What would you say if someone told you they could predict whether or not you were still going to be married in six years’ time?
What would you say if they claimed to have a 94% accuracy rate?
That’s exactly what psychologist John Gottman claimed after spending time studying different married couples. He came up with a list of things to look for when you and your spouse have difficult discussions.
Here are his top 4 signs that your marriage won’t last:
Criticism
We all make mistakes. You wouldn’t call someone you’ve just met at a dinner party an idiot just because they dropped their wine glass. If you are happy to call your spouse one when they do it, something is up.
Contempt
Insulting your spouse or treating them with disdain is a bad sign. While you might not mean what you say, there is likely something within the insult that betrays something negative you feel about them.
Defensiveness
Some people are proud of being able to give as good as they get, but trading insults will escalate things rather than defuse the situation or help advance toward a resolution. If you and your spouse each justify your actions without listening to what the other is really saying, that’s a sign that communication has stopped.
Stonewalling
Walking away or turning up the music to drown your spouse out might tell your spouse you do not want to hear anymore. Yet you cannot resolve problems when one person refuses to engage.
If you have doubts about your marriage, you can use these indicators to come to your own conclusion about whether you have a future together or whether it is time to think about divorce.
If you opt for divorce, be sure to get legal help to discover where to start.