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How do you cope with the stress of your divorce?

As the song goes, breaking up is hard to do, no matter what the situation. Whatever brought you to the point of a divorce, you have to suddenly reinvent your entire vision of the future.

On top of all that, you may be dealing with complex financial and legal issues, especially as you try to divide the marital property, come up with a workable parenting plan and start over.

How do you keep yourself emotionally grounded right now?

Essentially, the best way to keep your emotions from spiraling out of control during your divorce is to do two things: Focus on yourself and focus on other people.

Focusing on yourself means things like:

  • Accepting the idea that all your feelings are valid: You have a right to feel happy, sad, frustrated, angry and confused by turns — or a mixture of all those things.
  • Allowing yourself to falter a little: It’s okay if you aren’t your most productive at work, and you’re under no obligation to be your cheery normal self all the time.
  • Do good things for your mind and body: Take extra breaks, indulge in naps, find a hobby that keeps your mind occupied or something similar.
  • Distance yourself from conflict: That may mean relying on your divorce attorney to communicate with your spouse during this time, and that’s okay, too.

Focusing on others means things like:

  • Reassure your children: Talk to your kids about the changes they see and reassure them that they are safe and loved at all times.
  • Keep the kids out of the fray: Don’t allow your children to be used as pawns. Don’t permit your spouse to use them as messengers or play games with their well-being.
  • Maintain as much stability as possible: Use routines and consistent reminders or communication to keep everything as constant as possible for your children.

These may not automatically lift your spirits or relieve your anxiety, but they set the foundation for a better tomorrow — once your divorce is over.